CHRIST ON A CROSS!!! (AD)

He is saying "yo Dawg I can't do you any harm in any way because I don't even have venom glands, but I am creepy as shit"
Christ on a cross is what I yelled when A huge ass Daddy Long Leg walked across my keyboard as I was typing 5 minutes ago, I jumped up and took a couple of steps back, then I realized that 2 more Daddy Long Legs were by my feet, Now let me clarify by saying, I am a vegetarian, I love animals and animal rights and all that BS but bugs ARE FUCKING DISGUSTING!!! I hate all bugs, the only exceptions are Butterflys, Ladybugs, Bumble Bees (did you know you can pet a bumble bee? dude you can, one time there was this furry little bumble bee sleeping in a flower and it woke up and was like "yo whats up? look how cute I am!" and I petted (is that a word? do I use the word pat?) his little fuzzy butt) , pretty moths, and some times grasshoppers, crickets, and praying mantises, because the last three are OK until they hop near me. anyways the 2 were at my feet, I ran upstairs grabbed a can of lysol and armed myself, the big one was still on the keyboard so I picked up the video game Splinter Cell (its OK I don't play it often) and smashed old big ass till he was twitching and dead. I then turned around where the other two DLLs were and I said "GO TELL THE OTHER SPIDERS WHAT YOU JUST SAW" and sure enough they scrambled out of sight, since I gave my warning I went back to my post at the computer, then they crawled towards me again so I grabbed the lysol and sprayed them till they stopped twitching (did you know lysol kills silver fish right on contact? it does) and then after I killed 3 spiders I googled them, turns out they are all harmless and it made me feel kind of bad, I can still smell the lysol, it smells like guilt and shame. I went on this site BTW http://spiders.ucr.edu/daddylonglegs.html ,oh well at least I was safe and not sorry (I'm an asshole basically) (and don't judge me it was self defense)

wiggity wiggity wiggity whack AKA: how i hurt my integrity. (AD)

Ive been gone for a while as all two of you have noticed.
its because I have been in trouble, and grounded. I went to a show and was supposed to go to my friend T's house to drink and crash but instead M invited one of the bands that were at the show to her house to party so T said we would party there after the show then she would drive to her house when she sobered up.Fair enough I figured but no, The band M invited was a bunch of older dudes from New Jersey, One of them tried to hit on me even after I told him I was underage. SO down went the whiskey and beer and I was wasted. M got in a fight with one of the guys (which our friend C and his girl K broke up) I think to get back at her the guy called the cops because before I knew it an officer grabbed me and told me to sit on the pavement. I saw T get cuffed and then M struggled when she got cuffed yelling "FUCK YOU PIGS" or something like that. when it came to me I was crying I knew my mom was going to kill me. he asked me if I had an ID, my age, my name, address, number. I said no, I was a minor, AD (no not really), etc etc, I called him sir (I practically said sir every over word in my sentence because I was such a drunk cry baby, the cop asked me why I was crying, I said my mother was going to skin me alove, he said "dont worry we were all 17 once" all of a sudden I feel plastic in my mouth and start blowing and while its in my mouth I say "do you want my B.A.C sir?" he says "your a very smart girl, take deep breaths" and when he takes the breathalizer from my mouth I yell "I AM NOT A SMART GIRL!" but i guess compared to M's behavior I was fucking Einstein. Two cops laugh about something and I yell at them "ITS NOT FUNNY" even though I had no clue what they were laughing about. My heart stopped and combusted when my mom pulled up.
SOOOOO yeah my punishment consisted of getting up early and cleaning, and when she ran out of things to clean she made me do it all over again. Im just thankful that the cops were courteous, doing their jobs, and that they didnt arrest me, As for M and T they do have a record but they didnt get shit from their parents, which makes me a little bit bitter. Well my punishment is over and it wasnt as nearly as long as I thought it was going to be which is good, and all the house and yard work I was made to do during the punishment actually shed some fat off of me. So remember kids crime dosnt pay (dont get caught with dumbasses)